Nothing Wrong With Me
by Twisted Nari
Summary: King Dedede is sick and tired of Kirby always besting him at well...pretty much everything. So he enlists the help of a sketchy therapist that he's never seen or heard of to interview and catalogue anything and everything about Kirby Villians. What could possibly go wrong?


King Dedede was sitting in his throne, rubbing his chin. Kirby had once again saved the day from some evil guy with plans to take over the world that had gotten much closer that defeating the boy than he ever did. Honesty, he was getting tired of all the invasions, tired of dark matter, and tired of knowing that there where people that did better than he did. No one is better than King Dedede! If only he knew what was in there heads, what made them tick, then he could think like them and defeat Kirby!

Heh, yeah.

"WAIT A SECOND!"

He was the king and he could just order someone to act as a shrink for the monsters and finding them wouldn't be a problem because they where all in a dungeon under the palace! No one would ask questions because he could say he was helping the poor souls and to further avoid suspicion, he could make it mandatory that some of his soldiers visit this shrink too! Sometimes he was just to smart for his own good.

"DOO!"

"Yes sire?" Said the small red haired cyclops standing beside him.

"I wanna set up a ehrm whatcha macallit..."

"A psychiatric ward?"

"Heh, Yeah yeah! One a those! How'd you know what I was talking about?"

"You where talking out loud sire."

"Shut your dirty mouth! Now, I want you to go find me someone who can mentally evaluate all these wackos NOW!"

"Uhm but sire..."

"WHAT!"

"There's uh...No one like that in dreamland sire."

"Grr...I DONT CARE IF YOU HAVE TO SEARCH ALL OF POPSTAR! FIND ME A DAMN THERAPIST!"

"Yes your highness."

Unknown to them, a lone Dark Matter spy had been listening in on the conversation. It's original purpose being to find the current wear abouts of the dreaded Star Warrior that had nearly slain the Mother of all dark matter and the ruler of all negative feelings. Just the thought made the Dark Matter shiver as it floated back to Dark Star to report it's findings to it's superiors. It had even worn a disguise to lool like a Waddle Dee, the dull, mouthless, orange haired creatures thought to be servatory to the king and still nothing! Despite not finding Kirby, the information could still prove to be useful.

Once they arrived back to Dark Star, they where immediately brought into questioning by Miracle Matter.

Despite none of the Dark Matter having a biological sex, Miracle Matter always tried to appear female. She wore her long white hair down and it reached to her shoulders as opposed to the standard black bowl cuts other Dark Matter had. She wore a oversized white jacket that was covered in red open zippers, each one showing off her multitude of eyes. Most Dark Matter however, where only allowed to wear dresses or suits. Miracle also didn't have to wear pants or shoes instead, she wore bandages over her feet and parts of her legs. She carried a large black staff that had a white icosahedron covered in eyes floating above it.

"Dark Matter reporting in." The dark matter said while bowing to thier superior.

"Which one?" Miracle spoke in an unamused tone.

"Scout number 1397."

"Oh. I suppose you bring news of the Star Warriors whereabouts?"

"N-no." The Dark Matter stuttered out.

"Then why are you here?"

"Uhm..."

"Speak."

"I overheard in the castle that they wanted a therapist or a psychiatrist or something and I thought that could be useful to us?"

"Thought?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"It's not your job to think."

"But I-"

"Do not try to find duty outside of your purpose. I will be letting our illustrious Mother know of your general incompetence and you will most likely be re-assimilated. Before this however, I need to know what "brilliant" idea you had that was worth risking such a fate."

"Mother could create a special type of Dark Matter like yourself to...infiltrate the palace and work as a therapist. Once inside, they would have access to the prison cells and information on said prisoners, all of which fought the Star Warrior inthe past and maybe useful distractions. Depending on how uhm... long the Dark Matter would be staying there it may be a good idea to make lt...attractive to the King. That way, he won't question anything the Dark Matter did and neither would Kirby Of The Stars."

Miracle Matter was silent. How could such a basic and dull Dark Matter be capable of such a complex level of thought comparable to her own?

"Claymore." She called. "Take this one to be assimilated."

A large and intimidating figure formed be behind Miracle Matter.

It had spikey black hair and a visior that showed off it's one cyan eye. It wore a pale yellow cape with orange triangles on it attached to the cape lied two teal blue sholdure pads. The dark matter also wore a golden necklace with an enormous emerald in its centre. It's armour was black and very bulky looking, in the front it had a small white highlight. On the Dark Matters back lay an old, rusty, blade that was almost the same size as the creature.

This was the legendary Dark Matter that had first dueled Kirby Of The Stars before he was deamed a threat.

Sword Master Claymore.

"My ladie!?" The dark matter croaked. The fact that she had summoned Claymore ment that she saw it as a threat.

"You're too self aware, therefore you must be assimilated. Don't worry, your idea will be put into action. Mother is making the Dark Matter as we speak, they wish for you to be apart of the finale product. What an honor you have, a faulty and imperfect creature to be made into something more."

The Dark Matter was dragged off, never to be seen again.

King Dedede sat down in front of a mirror, staring at his reflection.

He had a fair amount of sky blue hair that was tied back into a ponytail, his beard getting a bit scruffy and his matching blue eyes looked tired. His skin was tan, and his body was...in pretty decent shape. Granted, he wasn't the muscular, thin man he used to be but he couldn't exactly complain given his diet. He didn't wear a shirt instead wearing a red and yellow band with a zig zag pattern across his abdomen. It wasn't the he didn't enjoy shirts but, after a Dark Matter had possessed him, it left a very large wound on his stomach making shirts very uncomfortable. He also wore a red robe that was decorated with his own personal emblem. His pants were a matching shade of red and were mostly covered by his beloved robe. Despite his royal status, he detested wearing shoes and only did so when he had deamed the occasion special. Now was not one of those occasions. Last but most definitely not least was his crown, this is what separated him from everything and everyone else in Dreamland.

He sighed and took off his crown.

That's right, his crown was the only thing that made him better than any other Dreamlander. In his youth, he had been a strapping young warrior and a defender of the nation. He had become so famous in fact, that the old Queen of Dreamland had wanted to marry him. Granted, she was about a decade his senior but that didn't make her any less beautiful or kind. So, he had agreed to marry her and they had spent many years happily ruling Dreamland. The queen had fallen pregnant with twins and plans where set to build a nursery for the future Prince and Princess of Dreamland.

Then the Kirby came and ruined _**everything**_.

It was _**his fault**_ that the Dark Matter came.

 _ **His fault**_ that they had possessed him and his wife.

 _ **His fault**_ that his wife lost the twins.

 _ **His fault**_ that he was permanently injured.

 _ **His fault**_ that his wife had killed herself the following year.

Dedede punch the mirror in a fit of rage as tears streamed down his face.

It wasn't Kirbys' fault.

It was his.

Dedede wiped away his tears, crying wouldn't bring her back. He heard a small knock on the door.

"What...?"

"Sire, we found someone."


End file.
